Moving through loss and grief

Moving through loss and grief

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I sit here looking at the screen of my computer on a day where breathing has become difficult and every muscle in my body has thrown pain at me, in different quantities and times through- out the week.

I am grieving the loss of my dearest companion I have ever known my Dog Scooby Doo.

I always knew that when the time came to say goodbye to him that it would be hard, but I wasn’t prepared to feel so much physical pain as well as emotional.

He was a bear of a German Shepard so clever and loving that we connected on such a deep level that I have never known even with a human. He supported me through IVF, having a child who’s been through 11 operations, four intensive care submissions. He was by my side through a split from a long-term relationship and seen me flourish when meeting the love of my life.

So not having him anymore has unleashed all my emotions that have been held in the tissues over the years, resulting in pain not only emotionally but physically everywhere.

I could look to blame something I’ve done maybe the swinging in the park or sweeping my garden down. But I am a strong Pilates teacher who before this week was biking, running and bouncing through life feeling that physically I could take on the world.

So back to what I know that issues are in the tissues. When we are confronted with change and have no choice but to deal with it, then the body wobbles and can throw all its past trauma your way again. I must have cried a river these last few days not only for the loss of my dog but for everything he got me through, for the strength he gave me to gather myself and stay strong when my son needed me. So, years of holding it in came flooding out.

I feel lucky to have gained the knowledge I have over the years, so now when I need it the most, I can draw on it and slowly use movement to find my way back.

So yesterday I started with breathing on the ball, which led to a few more restorative exercises. Now I can move my neck again. This morning I made it to the reformer, I cried the whole way through foot work and bridging, but before I knew it I was lost in my practise and finished standing stronger than before.

I share this because I know I will not be alone, when you suffer loss or experience emotional trauma you might be confronted with physical pain on an intense level. Moving to ease the pain not only will benefit you physically but will help you release the tears and tension and start to be able to breathe again. Rolling and rocking can be calming to the nervous system and help the tears come.

Hope is the greatest feeling we can have, if you find yourself ever in pain know that

given the right circumstances you will always heal and find a way forward again.

For now, I’m going to take comfort on my mat rolling and rocking in movement to help soothe the soul. I will never here his funny howls and grunts again, but I am so lucky and grateful that I got to share 14 years with such a kind gentle animal soul.

Run free over the rainbow bridge until our souls meet again Scooby Doo 2008-2022.

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